Let go...

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone who seemed like they had one foot in and one foot out? What did you do? How did you feel in that situation? How did you respond to that person?

I know when I was in a relationship like that I felt very confused. I didn't understand how he couldn't feel the same about me as I felt about him. I thought he was amazing and I was prepared to do anything to keep him.

The truth is that he was never even mine to have. He never even made a decision to be with me really. Sure, he took anything I'd give him. And he gave back a little here and there. Just enough to keep me. This guy stayed in a state of indecision for our entire 2 year relationship though. And I remember wondering all the time if I should just walk away.

When he paid attention to me I felt like the world was mine. And when he didn't I felt misunderstood, alone, and pretty stupid for all that I was tolerating.

The way he treated me took a real toll on my self esteem. And I found myself becoming less and less confident the longer I stayed with him. It started to affect pretty much every area of my life. Soon I was questioning my worthiness.

I felt insecure and unsafe. I was starving for his attention, and desperate for any time he would give me. Him giving me his time quickly felt like a present, when really it was the least effort he could've made. It was not my proudest moment.

Why did it take me 2 years to walk away?

To tell you the truth I really don't know why I didn't walk away sooner. I should've left in the very beginning when my self esteem was great. When I knew my worth and I felt like an important woman to everyone else around me. I'm sure there is a whole theory and probably even some diagnosis that could be given around this common situation. And I bet I could spend a long time in therapy to figure it out. For me though...I did finally just get brave enough to walk away one day.

And after that I kept walking. It's been a really long time now, and I can finally look back and see what that all has taught me. And if you can relate at all, I hope this can help you too. I made new rules for my relationships now. And here they are:

1. I decided that I don't ever want anyone that doesn't want me again.

2. If they don't think I am completely amazing the entire time they are with me then they probably won't treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

3. I only date men who match my level of commitment. I am very clear about where we stand at all times, and I now expect my partner to be that way too.

Following these new rules has become my new normal at this point, and I have not let another man walk all over my heart.

My confidence in relationships has come back. And I feel like I am more myself now than I was before.

When you are constantly letting yourself down by not setting boundaries and holding true to your own standards, you are the only one you can get mad at.

My advice for you is...decide what you want. And then don't settle for anything less than that. On top of that...be a good partner. Be nice and kind and supportive. And don't ever treat any other person in any way that you would not like to be treated.

If anyone ever gives you the idea that they don't want you as much as you want them, save yourself time, heartache, and tears. And let them go.

If anyone ever gives you the idea that you have to be a certain way or change certain things to be with them, save yourself time, heartache, and tears. And let them go.

And anytime you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you can't imagine your life without the person you've been spending your time with, I want you to especially remember this:

You lived your entire life without this person until you met them. You were fine then and you'll be fine again. Do not spend your life feeling like you don't matter. You deserve so much more.

Love yourself and your happiness so much that you let go of anything and everything that doesn't want to stay.

Here is the mantra I used when I let my ex boyfriend go. It helped me and maybe it could help you too:

"I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free." ☼

~~~~~

As always...I love you SO much and I hope that you have every great and wonderful thing that you can possibly imagine in this world. You are amazing and you deserve to love your life.

Love, Tami ♥

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