Brag About The Good

One of my clients told me this story last week and asked me what I thought about it. She said that she was talking to one of her long time best friends on the phone. The friend was telling her all about her latest disappointments in her ongoing rough terrible life. Apparently the girl has always had a series of troubling situations for as long as my client has known her.

She said that this girl was telling her how mean her adult children are to her. And how she never seems to get a break in life. She said that it feels like her world is just always hard and that it never seems to get any better. And my client said that as long as she has known her, she has witnessed this girl struggle more than most people she has ever known, and in more ways than anyone should.

So...as this girl was going on about her rough, terrible life, my client said she didn't know how to respond. She said that her adult kids were being horrible to her. And my client's adult kids have been wonderful lately. She said that no-one seems to appreciate her. My client was recently honored at her job as an outstanding employee and won an award. She said that she was facing homelessness. And my client currently is thinking about two different places she might want to share her time, because she has so many options.

When the girl said her life was so rough, my client said that her normal response is usually that her life is so rough too. And she spends the whole call usually trying to find all the horrible things about her life to talk about, so that the girl feels validated. This time she said she just couldn't think of any way to join in because things have been going so well lately.

So I asked her what she did say. She said that she told the girl that she was sad to hear that she was struggling so much. And that she really hoped things could get better. But that she changed the subject when it came to talking about her own life because she felt like it would be like bragging. And that felt mean.

I asked her if she has ever told this girl about her great life or if they always just talk about the bad things? She said that she does sometimes tell her parts that are good, but that she tends to focus more on the bad parts, so she can match her friend's experience.

And this is when I asked if she thought that her friend even knew how great life could be. I said that I wondered if anyone in her world ever told her how good things really do happen, and how happy actually feels. Maybe this girl doesn't even know that better things are possible, because everyone always wants her to feel validated in her suffering? Maybe she thinks the whole world is suffering and miserable too? When the truth really is that the people in her own network are thriving and are just not telling her.

Is it really bragging to talk about your wins, and to say that your life is going good? Is that throwing someone's bad life in their face? Or is that your duty, as their friend actually, to show them that more is possible? If you listen to their hard stuff, that's ok. But if you only focus on your hard stuff when you are talking to them, then they won't even know that their hard stuff could be better. They will just walk away believing that everyone has it hard. And yes, they won't feel as alone. But they will also just keep suffering, thinking that a terrible life is normal.

I want to challenge you to talk about your good things. Talk about the ways you are winning in life. Talk about how great things are, how happy you are, how things do work in your life. Brag. Because if you don't...then some people won't ever know that life could be better. Some people will live and die thinking the whole world is a sad hopeless place, full of suffering.

Imagine a world where everyone understood that happy is a choice. And that sad and miserable is a choice too. Imagine a world where everyone knew that they were one choice away from a better circumstance.

It starts with you. Start telling everyone that better is out there and that you have found it. And if you haven't found it yet...let me know and I will make sure to point it out so you can see it more clearly. Sometimes our lens is just cloudy. I promise that if you think your life is so bad, you just need to look at it in a different way.

It's not bragging to tell people you had a good day. Or that your kids are wonderful. Or that your job is good. Or that the romance in your life is working. It's the truth. And the truth that we all want, right? So how that could that be bad? Please don't let yourself feel bad because other people don't know how to be happy. Teach them by your example. Show them that life can be so much more than they might think right now. We make a better world by showing people a better way.☼

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As always...I love you SO much and I hope that you have every great and wonderful thing that you can possibly imagine in this world. You are amazing and you deserve to love your life.

Love, Tami ♥

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